Starvation Nation, Population: Me.

I suck at life.

at this moment in time, I have a Pasta Breadbowl from Domino's on the way. lol.

Nah, I don't suck, I just went through a slump. But the personal trainer at New Attitude's has written out a complete nutrition plan for me to follow for the next two weeks that start tomorrow. It's going to be really hard. but ya know, I think I've had a retarded mindset that losing the rest of my weight was going to be easy, and that's the reason I've been stuck on this plateau. so I'm kinda excited for a new challenge. I really am just tired of not being where I've been wanting to be for the past 8 months. ugh, 8 months. I should have lost 50 pounds by now! I'm not going to be down on myself. I have done a lot and I am proud. Tomorrow starts the next step. No cheating, no more slumps. By summer I will be where I want to be! :] but today, I'm going to eat what I want for the last time for a while. lol.

ok, so I'm texting a guy that my mom kinda set me up with. lol, kinda embarrassing but whatever. He's super nice...but honestly I just look at a relationship with such...I don't know. like I HATE the idea of it. :/ I just want a close guy friend. relationships get complicated and drama where people get mad and hurt and stress out all of the time. but we'll see how this works out. only complaint so far--he's super country. three of the questions that he has asked me: "are you a country girl?", "do you like to two step or three step?" and "do you wear boots at all?". -_- all of which were asked completely randomly. lol. whatever. as long as I'm in this town that's the type that's gonna roll up! but I love being here, so that's ok. for now. ;]

just to get off of Facebook...

I'm pretty much just on here to get away from everything that's going on. One of my classmates passed away today, from overdosing on drugs. Stuff like this always bothers me down to my core, regardless if I know the person very well or not. I am an extremely empathetic person, and all the pain I'm seeing on Facebook is a bit too much for me because I feel it all. Not only that, but the guy was my best friend from here's first love. I can't imagine what she's going through. I mean yeah, she's married and has a baby girl with someone else, but still. It's just tearing me up thinking about all the pain everyone is going through. He even left behind a baby boy. :( R.I.P. Brett Solley.

Okay, now to get my mind off of that.

My last post was full of positivity and I made myself seem like I was doing AWESOME...but that's totally not true. :/ I went on like a three week splurge that I feel has affected everything! I guess it was a way of venting my frustration of my plateau. but it was dumb and I am DONE. As of today I am just as serious about my weight loss as I was when I began in August. because summer is rolling around....!! and I am not bikini ready, as much as I have lost. :( Last night I put on my bikini that I've had foreverrrr, I mean, I haven't bought a new one since my senior year of high school. I guess I had the mindset that I didn't deserve a new one since I looked like crap in the one I have. lol. but anyway, I put it on and got Nana to take some pictures, so I can have a "before" view. I really wish I would have done that in August, but I hated the way I looked so bad that I just wanted to forget that I ever looked that way. haha. ehh. I also took measurements of my chest, arm, waist, belly, hips, thigh, and calf. because they always say when you work out you lose inches before pounds. and since Kirbi and I are starting this body builder workout schedule, I'm hoping it's going to jump start the rest of my weight loss! I also bought Alli...which I kind of regret now after reading all of the side effects. but...I'll give it a go in a few days, terrified as I am.

but overall, I AM GUNG HO AGAIN. I will reach my goal. :]



I really like this one.

err....hi.

a few things have changed:

-I'm not longer in Natchitoches. I moved back home mostly because I wasn't happy. Natch is the epitome of negativity and I was beginning to hate myself, and that was healthy. now I feel whole and happy. :]

-I changed my major to ultrasound. it has always been what I wanted to do, but I was always too afraid. now with this new-found positivity and confidence, I believe I can accomplish anything I want!

- I'm 35 pounds lighter. :]]]]]




YES! I finally made a decision and stuck with it. I started weight watchers in August, and I dropped 30lbs by December. It was amazing. I started going to the gym in January, and it has become part of my daily life! Which had always been a goal for me. But here's the thing...I've only lost 5lbs since and it's April. I'm STUCK. I want to reach 135 but I am completely stuck at 150. It's so frustrating. I'm starting a six week program with my friend Kirbi Monday, and I'm hoping it's going to push me through the end of this plateau. I'm not doing weight watchers anymore, because they changed the program and it wasn't working anymore for me. :( so I've kinda bounced back and forth between SlimFast and just eating 1200 calories a day. I'm just ready to be at my goal! I feel like I should be there by now. :/ but I'm not giving up...Summer is just around the corner and I will not be ignoring pool invitations.

I may keep blogging, I may not. I feel like I should. No one really reads this and I need to post things NOT on Twitter 24/7. lol. I think I'm annoying my followers!

<3 <3 <3