¡diario numero dos!

so yesterday doesn't seem like it was real life.
word to this wise-if you everr have a true emergency, don't waste your time by going to the Natchitoches ER. they didn't even do blood work on me. they put a stethoscope on my belly, told me to breathe, and then deemed me okay and gave me a pamphlet on menstruation like I was 12 years old and didn't know why I bleed every month. ughh.
anyway.
I had eaten my cereal like usual, and I was going to eat my meal around 5:45, but that's when all my stuff happened and then my best friend and I were in the ER until 11:00ish. we were traumatized and STARVING, so we decided that even though one of our rules was "don't eat after 6:00pm" we deserved some soul food.
which of course led us to Taco Bell.
needless to say it is almost 1:00 in the afternoon and I am STILL full.
so I think I'm going to skip my cereal today and just stick with my one meal.
yeah that sounds good.

So I got hired at Chili's as a host. I'm pretty excited. it's sooo hard to get hired in Natchitoches and I'm soo thankful I found a job. and it's pretty good money and I have a feeling they're not going to have a problem with working me to death. so that's good. I go in today at four, but I won't be in uniform so I'm assuming I'm just going to be filling out papers and stuff. they said I'll probably start training Saturday! so yay.

I'm not a very interesting blogger. especially since I'm not going to provide details about why I went to the ER. sorry about that.

I'll do better.

err..hi there.

so it's been years since I've blogged. let's see if I've still got the patience and the cleverness to keep readers.

um, my title. it perfectly explains me. you see, I created this blog many many months ago. I can't remember how many. but it was a day that I was like, YES, I'M GOING TO FOR REAL LOSE WEIGHT THIS TIME AND I'M GONNA BLOG ABOUT IT. so I created this thing...and did I diet?
no.
fail.
So here I am, a few months later, day 5 of "hell week." My best friend and I decided that we are going to be hot by the end of the summer. [and damnit I really really want to be hot.] So Sunday we started a only-eat-a-small-bowl-of-cereal-and-one-other-meal thing. to shrink our stomachs. speaking for myself, it's been ridiculous how much I was eating on a daily basis. I know there's a calorie counter somewhere out there, but I've just been too chicken to go put my food in and actually see how much I've been putting in my stomach. I used to be smart about what I ate at least, but here lately I just haven't cared. but I'm tired of not caring, tired of going shopping for pants and their biggest size being too tight on my elephant thighs. that's so embarrassing. I was so embarrassed shopping for khakis last night. but if I'm going to blog I guess I need to get over being embarrassed, right? ehh.
I'm not going to put my weight on here, because it's embarrassing. childish, I know. but. it's ridiculous how much I've let myself go and I'm not ready to let the world know. I think I do a good job of hiding my weight, but I'm tired of having to hide. I want to be hot damnit.

I've lost 4lbs since Sunday according to my scale. that seems wrong, but maybe my body is so excited that I'm not suffocating it with food it's reacting enthusiastically.

I'll try to keep up with this thing. we'll see.