err..hi there.

so it's been years since I've blogged. let's see if I've still got the patience and the cleverness to keep readers.

um, my title. it perfectly explains me. you see, I created this blog many many months ago. I can't remember how many. but it was a day that I was like, YES, I'M GOING TO FOR REAL LOSE WEIGHT THIS TIME AND I'M GONNA BLOG ABOUT IT. so I created this thing...and did I diet?
no.
fail.
So here I am, a few months later, day 5 of "hell week." My best friend and I decided that we are going to be hot by the end of the summer. [and damnit I really really want to be hot.] So Sunday we started a only-eat-a-small-bowl-of-cereal-and-one-other-meal thing. to shrink our stomachs. speaking for myself, it's been ridiculous how much I was eating on a daily basis. I know there's a calorie counter somewhere out there, but I've just been too chicken to go put my food in and actually see how much I've been putting in my stomach. I used to be smart about what I ate at least, but here lately I just haven't cared. but I'm tired of not caring, tired of going shopping for pants and their biggest size being too tight on my elephant thighs. that's so embarrassing. I was so embarrassed shopping for khakis last night. but if I'm going to blog I guess I need to get over being embarrassed, right? ehh.
I'm not going to put my weight on here, because it's embarrassing. childish, I know. but. it's ridiculous how much I've let myself go and I'm not ready to let the world know. I think I do a good job of hiding my weight, but I'm tired of having to hide. I want to be hot damnit.

I've lost 4lbs since Sunday according to my scale. that seems wrong, but maybe my body is so excited that I'm not suffocating it with food it's reacting enthusiastically.

I'll try to keep up with this thing. we'll see.