& all those who look down on me - I’m tearing down your balcony.

I went home for a few days. It felt great, it always does when I get to spend one-on-one time with my family. My brother graduated eighth grade. Let me mention something about this picture. I'm wearing HUGE heels, AND I'm 5'7". ridiculous how big that boy is. but he's so handsome. :]
anyway, hell week is officially over. it did its duty I suppose, my stomach really has shrunk. I go all day without eating now and I'm not having any hunger pains. today all I ate was a cheese enchilada frozen meal. which on Weight Watchers, it was only 7 points. so I think that was a win.
I wish I had kept my weight off when I did Weight Watchers. because it really does work, but it gets soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo old. I hated stressing everyday about how many points I had left and I always ended up eating the same things over and over. so that's why I've kinda boycotted it...
but I figure if I really just eat one small meal a day, I'll definitely lose weight. I mean really, if I don't....I'm just going to be chubby forever, what-the-fuck-ever.
no.
I want to be HOT. DAMNIT.
I watched New Moon for the second time while I was home. yes I love the Twilight junk, judge me. but watching it gave me more motivation oddly. Bella is tiny, and she looks so dainty and cute when she's being held. and I was insanely jealous..kinda weird. but oh well. I'm weird anyway.
you see, I'm weird about wanting to be considered "dainty."
I've always been a bigger girl. well, not always BIGGER, as in fat like I've gotten to be recently, but I've always been taller, wider, bigger hands, etc....
I. fucking. hate. it.
but I figure once I'm skinny, being hot will be better than being dainty.
maybe.
hopefully.
because there's nothing I can do about these paws I've got.
ahhhahaha, I just tripped myself out.
anyway, I got off work early, which is a blesssinggggg and a half. my shoes still have not come in, and the ones I'm having to wear HUURRTT soooooo bad. my feet are literally throbbing right now. and my shoes have no traction, and at Chili's the floors are terribly slick. so I can't wait until I will be able to stop waddling when I sit customers.
I don't have much else going on. I just really really really want to be hot. I might be a but-her-head, but damnit right I'm a but-her-anything...
ha, here's an interjection-here lately I've been trying to wear eyeliner. it's nooott working and I wish I could quit trying.
anyway. I really want to be hot and pretty and dainty and all that. I want to change. and I've always felt this way, and I've always gotten really motivated for like, a month and then I'll quit. So I've earned the reputation of being a quitter. and I'm not a fan. so I'm going to change.